Contributed by Rianna Hurree
Dear younger Rianna,
Instinct. We’re not taught from a young age about the importance of this feeling, at least you weren’t. Not just yet. It’s something that you will often ignore and quite frankly can save you from a lot of heartache and negative feelings associated with the situations you will face. Not listening to it will undeniably leave you in a predicament you’d rather not be in. From being wary about the fizzy beverage you’re about to drink (yet know you dislike) to sending one too many texts, there’s always a moment, that ever so slight hesitation that you will ignore and more often than not leads you to the immense feeling of regret.
As you get older you’ll realise that regret isn’t a feeling you should pay attention to, simply because at the time the choice felt right. You will learn most of your life lessons from regret. You don’t know this yet, and although you’re not stubborn now, your younger self will definitely question this, but that feeling of disappointment can be avoided by listening to that inner self telling you to step back. That is instinct.
You’ve already used your instinct when watching someone close to you go through domestic violence. You were made to feel bad about the choice you made and it had an overwhelming effect on you emotionally. You will still struggle to mend that relationship to this day, nevertheless, you used your instinct and saved her from something that could’ve been brutal. Know that it’s something you should be proud of. You’ll think to yourself, “Why can’t I be a normal teenager? With mundane choices like what subjects should I pick at college?” But it will define you as a person in the most positive way you can’t quite fathom yet.
Without a shadow of a doubt, you wanted to protect her. The feeling of wanting to keep her safe washed over you like a crashing wave. With that being said, there may come a time where you fail to use it when deep down you know someone isn’t being faithful to you. You know he’s cheating, lying, and doing everything a man shouldn’t, I ask you with all my heart, don’t ignore your instinct. The same feeling of wanting to protect her, protect yourself. You may get deeper into a situation that leaves you heartbroken with issues you won’t even know you have until you meet someone else and in turn push them away.
It’s funny how we care and go above and beyond for the people closest to our hearts, yet we don’t take our own advice and put the same motions in place for ourselves.
It’s a feeling you can’t shake. A survival instinct that is telling you something doesn’t feel right. I know you’re probably thinking, “Rianna you’ve said instinct so many times, right click on synonyms and it should help you find an alternative”. But the truth is, there are no other words that encompass the feeling of knowing what to do without it having to be said.
Go with your gut, put yourself first and the rest will follow.