By Yvens Tiamou
We’re three weeks into this new NFL season and usually, it's about the time that we start to see the foundations of how the rest of the season will pan out. We start to gauge who the playoff contenders will be, next to the underdogs that could pose a silent threat, next to the less fortunate teams in the mire duking it out for the number one pick in next year’s draft. Though, this season’s script has been thrown off the cliff. Three weeks into this season has produced so much confusion, and I’m not talking about the enigma of the catch rule. The weekly matchups have produced so many weird results that this NFL season is a blended mix of the good, the bad and the ugly.
Don’t bother asking me how it tastes. If you're still trying to cling to 'sense', then just let go and fall down to the pit of confusion. Week 3 of the NFL saw the Buffalo Bills take their putrid team to one of the Super Bowl contenders, the Minnesota Vikings. The Bills were dubbed the early candidates to usurp the Cleveland Browns to the mantle of a winless season. With the Browns securing their first win in over 600 days last Thursday, the onus was very much on the Bills to take the unwanted title. But the script was thrown out (again), and what took place on Sunday was anarchy. It was jaw-dropping manic akin to the ‘Red Wedding’ scene in Game of Thrones. Josh Allen played like an MVP contender, as he spearheaded his team to a 27-6 win. And with that, we were left incredulous.
Elsewhere in all things mania, we have an early front-runner in the MVP conversation. Ryan Fitzpatrick, also known as, 'Fitzmagic', has been stealing the spotlight for himself, serving up touchdown after touchdown in his young old age of 35-years-old. No, I’m serious, he is literally stealing the spotlight. Did you not see what he wore to his post-game interview? Iced out jewels around his neck, shades to block out his haters, and a tracksuit that made him cool enough in the 'culture'. The whole ensemble was borrowed from his teammate, DeSean Jackson of course, but he looked undeniably cool. At the time of writing this, Fitzpatrick, sorry, I mean FitzMAGIC, and his Tampa Bay Buccaneers team hosts the winless Pittsburgh Steelers, who seem to birth new problems each week.
Star running back, Le'veon Bell still remains M.I.A from Steelers, tweeting indirect comments about his team from wherever he is right now. Though a trade seems on the horizon for him and there were even reports of the same fate being placed on fellow star wide receiver Antonio Brown. However, Brown has recently quashed said rumours and has resolved the issues between him and head coach Mike Tomlin.
So the languid Steelers head to Tampa to begin the salvation of their putrid season, but amazingly, standing in their way is a God… sorry, I mean Ryan Fitzmagic, who’s beard will look extra luxurious under the prime time lights.
And somewhere through all this bemusement, the New England Patriots lose to the Detroit Lions. The Lions previously got stomped out by the New York Jets in week one. The Jets then went on to lose to the Browns. This is an equation that even with the coalition of Mathematicians, Physicists and sports analysts together cannot come up with an answer for, though, by proxy, The Browns are better than the Patriots. Ha ha ha!
Next to all these aforementioned storylines below on the ticker bar is another surprising leading candidate for MVP. Kansas City Chiefs quarterback, Patrick Mahomes, who we can already, prematurely take him to Canton to get his statue bust waxed as a Hall of Famer. Mahomes threw for another three touchdowns against the San Francisco 49ers on Sunday, breaking the record of throwing 13 TDs in the first three games of the season, keeping the Chiefs one of three teams still undefeated. The young quarterback continues to gift literally anyone a touchdown like teachers would give out stickers to good pupils. It’s not even December yet for him to be doing that sort of Good Samaritan, Father Christmas work, gifting touchdowns to any receivers that want it.
Then you have poor, poor Clay Matthews who cannot catch a break from the officials. It’s the second week in a row now that Matthews has been flagged for roughing the quarterback, with a rule even more incredulous as the Bills keeping the Vikings scoreless until the waning moments of the game. This is the devil’s work of the NFL, who are trying to police the game towards a more favourable pillow-fighting level. So the rule is, that when sacking the quarterback you mustn’t pile your bodyweight onto them when taking them to the ground, nor must your lift and then take to the ground. You also mustn’t sneeze on the quarterback in case of cold. Flu season is upon us after all. You definitely cannot conceive the notion of even touching the quarterback, that’s a big no-no. Ok, maybe I’m being facetious here, but I’m not too far off being serious.
Oh my gosh, the Bills are going to go the rest of the season undefeated.
The Patriots aren’t going to win the AFC East.
Everyone is going to be traded from the Steelers.
Ryan Fitzpatrick is going to star in the new adaptation of Rapunzel, but for his beard.
Don’t be surprised if this all comes to be true, I won’t be. I repeat we're only three weeks into this fresh NFL season, but it's perfectly ok to sound the alarm.